chapter 1

My husband's first love and I were both having complicated births with severe bleeding. We both desperately needed blood transfusions to survive.

My husband chose to save his first love instead of me.

The hospital found more blood later, but I almost died waiting.

Losing my baby broke me completely. I was so devastated that I missed a step going downstairs and fell to my death.

When I woke up, somehow I was back before any of this happened.

Damien, this time, I'm letting you go.

*****

"Damien, please save our baby!"

Agony ripped through my body like I was being split in half. Sweat and tears blurred my vision, making everything sting.

I clutched my husband, Damien Grey's hand desperately and turned to him for help.

When our eyes met, I could see him torn between two impossible choices.

"Damien, help me! I don't want to die!"

Damien's first love, Chloe Davis, screamed from the bed next to mine. Damien stopped moving, stuck between two choices.

The clock was ticking for both of us.

The doctor saw him hesitating and pressed for an answer.

"Both patients are hemorrhaging from birth complications. The hospital only has enough blood for one person. Commander Grey, you have to decide who gets it now."

Damien's hands clenched into fists. I could hear him grinding his teeth as he struggled with the decision.

He looked at me, then at Chloe, who was screaming in pain. When he opened his eyes again, they were filled with determination.

His voice came out hoarse, but loud enough for the medical team to hear. "Chloe. Save Chloe first."

Everything exploded in my head like a bomb going off. I couldn't think about anything.

All I could see were the blurry shapes of doctors and nurses rushing around Chloe's bed.

When I woke up, I had no idea how many days had passed.

I was alone in the hospital room. My belly, which used to be round and full, had deflated like a punctured balloon.

I desperately wanted to see my baby.

I forced myself out of bed despite the pain and stopped a nurse in the hallway.

After I gave her my name and age, she looked at me with pity in her eyes.

"Didn't Commander Grey tell you? Your baby was in distress too long and was stillborn. We managed to get you blood in time to save your life, but the damage means you can't have children anymore."

The nurse sighed, "You're still young. Try to stay positive and don't go too far"

She patted my shoulder to comfort me before walking away with a sad shake of her head.

The grief had overwhelmed me to the point where I felt nothing at all.

I wandered through the hospital like a lost ghost, not really aware of where I was going.

Walking past one of the hospital rooms, I caught sight of a familiar figure out of the corner of my eye.

It was Damien.

He gently placed a sleeping baby in the crib, then turned around and handed Chloe a bowl of soup.

Chloe took it shyly and sipped a few spoonfuls before breaking the awkward silence. "Damien, you had the doctors save me first in the delivery room. Won't Scarlett be mad at you when she wakes up?"

"If she wants to blame someone, she can blame me. I'm the one who used the hospital's blood supply first. That's why she lost her baby and can't be a mother anymore. It's all my fault," Chloe said, starting to cry.

Her tears only made her more heartbreaking to look at.

Damien quickly found a handkerchief and wiped away her tears.

"I told the doctor to save you first. None of this is your fault. Owen died a hero on his mission. You're a war widow, and your child is a war orphan. Of course we should take better care of you both.

"But Scarlett, she..."

When Damien mentioned me, his expression grew cold.

"She tried to hurt you, but she ended up sacrificing herself and her baby instead. Thank God you and your son are safe, or Owen would never forgive me.

"A kid raised by someone like Scarlett would've turned out just as rotten. It's probably better this way. Scarlett should count herself lucky to be alive. What more could she possibly want?"

His ice-cold words hit me like a physical blow. The chill spread through my entire body.

Damien was my husband. He was that baby's father. He could be heartless toward me, but how could he be so indifferent about our own child?

How ironical! I had just lost my baby and my chance to ever be a mother.

But Chloe was the one who almost bled to death on that delivery table!

I laughed without making a sound—a broken, self-mocking laugh.

This was my husband. This was the man I'd worshipped as my hero.

What a joke I was. I couldn't win my husband's heart, and I couldn't even protect my own child.

Baby, I'm so sorry. Mommy picked you such a terrible father.

I was crying and laughing at the same time, tears covering my face. Everything went blurry through my tears.

I didn't realize I was walking down the stairs. My foot missed a step and I tumbled down, rolling from one step to the next.

Right before I blacked out, I heard a nurse screaming.

"Help! Someone fell down the stairs and she's bleeding everywhere!"